Anger With God

  "When my soul was embittered, 

when I was pricked in heart, 

I was brutish and ignorant; 

I was like a beast toward you."

Psalm 73: 22-23 (ESV)

The most beautiful thing about God is his heart for the world. Our main image of God should be that of loving Father. This describes not only how we relate to and experience God, but also describes his heart towards us. Anyone who has felt themselves awash in the loving presence of God will deeply know this to be true. Yet we live in a world full of deep pain and hurt. In this life many have and will come to know tears and disappointment well. This raises the deep question: "Why God?" But in addition to this question, an emotion is often brought to life: anger. A couple of years ago if anyone had asked me if I felt any anger towards God for the things he allowed in my life (the suicide of my Father, deep trauma, repeated personal setbacks, etc.) I would have said absolutely not. Yet after a painful breakup and a seemingly disappointing end to my college career, I discovered that I was quite wrong.  

The sad truth is that in this life many of us may come to deep anger and resentment towards God for the things he allows. The key is being honest with God about the way we feel. This can be a scary thing, but the beautiful thing about God is that he can handle it. In fact, as I learned, if we are to move forward in intimacy with him he wants it out. Oftentimes, as I processed through my anger, I found myself on the floor just being brutally honest with him about the way I felt. What I found was the he was more than understanding. In fact, he was deeply caring, despite my ugliness towards him. For me, the key was not just to acknowledge my anger and let it out, but also to then repent of it, often despite how I was feeling. In addition, after letting it out and repenting, I repeatedly asked God to come change my heart. He will indeed do so when we faithfully ask. Although this process, to put it crudely, sucks, it not only leads to deep cleansing and healing, but a genuinely more intimate relationship with him. And you never know the wonderful new way he will open up more of himself to you. This makes it a process well worth going through.

"Nevertheless, I am continually with you; 

you hold my right hand. 

You guide me with your counsel, 

and afterward you will receive me to glory."

Psalm 73:24-25 (ESV)